Body Party Pooper

Breakfast

I read this post by Marcella last week and something about it inspired me to redouble my efforts to get back in shape after a baby and an unplanned C-section. For the most part, I'm not super worried about how different my body is now. I was thin and toned through my mid-20s, but the smoking and the drinking started showing and I got soft and puffy. Once that part of my life was over and I joined (and went!) to the gym and started paying attention to how what I ate made me feel, I got stronger, but I wasn't the little wispy thing I was in college. I don't think I'll ever see that body again. It was fun and I miss it, but it's dead.

On the hardest days, I think of my body as ruined or destroyed. I have an ugly purple scar, stretch marks that refuse to fade no matter what I do, a muffin top to end all muffin tops and, by far the worst thing ever, chunky upper arms. I was watching Ally McBeal the other day (the whole series is streaming on Netflix!) and I actually thought to myself "At least I don't have a wattle."

Lunch

So, getting back in shape; or, as UsWeekly phrases it HOT MAMA: HOW [INSERT VAPID CELEB HERE] GOT HER BODY BACK. (She did it with liposuction, a boob lift and a tummy tuck, duh.) I'm not going to get my body back. Like I said, my pre-pregnancy body in all its iterations is gone. But! I can get healthy, I can get stronger and I can get rid of some (most?) of the jiggly parts that make me so self-conscious. All weekend I made absurdly healthy meals for myself and bookmarked a bunch of workout videos on YouTube. I also promised myself to walk home with Elliott twice a week, weather permitting. During one particularly rough patch in the late Oughts, I walked to and from work because I literally could not afford to pay the bus fare and pay rent and student loans at the same time. I dropped at least ten pounds (also due in part to every 20-something's favorite weight loss plan: The Poverty Diet) and I felt really strong. I cancelled my gym membership once I went back to work after Elliott was born, which still saddens me. I paid a lot of money to be a member at Equinox and it was absolutely worth every penny. I worked out smarter and better than I ever had. And their steam room is the closest thing to heaven on earth that I've found. I suppose I could have changed my schedule and woken up at 5:00 every morning to get to the gym before work, but I'm not a morning person and I'd miss out on how adorable Elliott is when he still has a sleepy face and babbles to us about whatever is on his mind each morning. 

Dinner

All that said, I'll be working out at home. I don't run. I can't run. It severely damages my body, which has been messed up by ballet and over-training as a cheerleader in high school. I need gentle cardio and focused strength training, otherwise I turn into an 80-year-old woman in need of a hip transplant and a Rascal. I really like Tracy Anderson's Post-Pregnancy Workout and her arm workout, which can be found on YouTube. Nothing can ever replace my favorite vinyasa yoga class at Equinox unless a crazy little Fillipino man comes to my house, blasts One Direction and makes me sing along, inspects my mani while I'm in downward-facing dog and makes me sweat all the way through my moisture-wicking clothes. But, I'm going to try out Erin Motz's 30-Day Yoga Challenge.

And no more eating my feelings at work, no more going to bed without dinner and no more feeling sorry for myself.

Photos of my meals on Sunday with ingredients: breakfast / lunch / dinner.

Experiment: Vegan for 30 Days

Yesterday, I was casually reading the internet and then one post on The Hairpin led to me purchasing, downloading and reading (in its entirety) Skinny Bitch. I chalk it up to a light workload this week and Amazon 1-Click. I skimmed through a lot of the stuff on food myths and not eating crap but then I found myself weeping while reading the horrible chapter on animal abuse and the meat/dairy industry in the US. I have always been a passionate animal lover, the kind who immediately switches the channel with the Sarah McLachlan SPCA commercial comes on but still cries and hugs the cats for ten minutes. A few weeks ago on a drive up to Guerneville, I saw a cow in a pasture, a little bit separated from the rest of the heard, staring up at the clouds and I wanted to stop the car and give her a hug. I LOVE animals. It's not as if I have been oblivious to the Upton Sinclair horrors of the US meat and poultry industry, it's just that I don't think about it much and I do my best to not aid in its perpetuity. For the past few years, I've had ready access to locally produced meat, dairy and eggs and have been privileged enough to make purchasing and consuming organic foods a priority. But there is only so much a small farm in Marin can produce and the evils of big agriculture still trickle down into some of my purchases and consumption. I am also incredibly easy to gross out, so I decided to give up all animal products to the best of my ability. I don't eat much meat on a daily basis, but I have an intense love for dairy, so this could prove to be quite challenging.

I went to the market last night and here was my list:

That notebook is an insert from a Moleskine planner for 2010 and it is my official grocery list compendium. I love it because it fits in my wallet (I go grocery shopping with only my house keys, wallet and a reusable bag), isn't easily lost like a post-it or envelope and allows me to reference past shopping trips.

I got everything on my list and forlornly lingered in the dairy section as I grabbed a few containers of soy yogurt. I love real yogurt, especially Bellwether Farms (warning: cute baby sheep alert). I sauteed some fake chicken and steamed a couple artichokes for dinner. Lane made fresh aioli for his artichoke and I had Vegenaise with crushed garlic and lemon with mine. When I was cooking the fake chicken, I happened to read the ingredient list and had my first vegan freak out! -- the fake chicken wasn't vegan! It was made with rehydrated egg whites! I ate it anyway and called it Chickie-Nobs* because I am a giant nerd. I actually prefer fake chicken to real chicken because (a) I am easily grossed out and (b) it tastes really, really good. It felt like a totally normal meal and I was satisfied and even had soy ice cream for dessert.

I also took the bold move of deciding I don't need to jack myself up on caffeine every morning, which was kind of stupid because now I have a giant headache and my eyes feel all foggy. I suppose I'll have to gradually wean myself off caffeine instead of going cold turkey, for the sake of my co-workers and loved ones.

*This is a reference to Margaret Atwood's Oryx and Crake and The Year of the Flood from the MaddAddam trilogy. Margaret Atwood is so worth your time, you guys. I have absolutely loved everything I've read of hers.

Get In Shape, Girl

I am actively in love with my gym. I've been a member at Equinox since January and I have never, ever felt this way about exercise. Not even when I had a view of the entire Monterey Bay from the elliptical machine in college. The Equinox in San Francisco is in the old Pacific Stock Exchange building and the locker rooms are literally in the vault. The ceilings are wicked high, there are eucalyptus-steamed towels always waiting for you and oh man, don't even get me started on the steam room. It was out of service for two days last week and it was pretty much a personal disaster.

I pay a pretty penny for this membership, but I look at it as a necessary cost because I actually look forward to going to the gym after work everyday. I'm even doing yoga twice a week and I LOVE it. I get positively ecstatic on yoga day. This is all very strange because I've always hated yoga and while I'm naturally athletic, I lack any sort of motivation. I'm the kind of person who won't even get out of bed to eat or pee, because, ugh, so much effort.

My wedding dress is going to be made out of fabric that is not entirely forgiving. I've already stocked my Spanx arsenal, but I'm still a little worried about my pudge stealing the show. In the past year, I have discovered my arms are chubby and my abs have disappeared. Pushing thirty has put me one step closer towards transforming completely into Liz Lemon. So, to get rid of this flab and welcome back my lost muscle tone, I have been working out every day, tracking my food and eating thoughtfully. I've cut out sugar (mostly), snacking on empty carbohydrate calories and excessive amounts of cheese. Here's a typical day of eating for me:

Breakfast:
Bob's Redmill oatmeal with almond milk, a touch of brown sugar and cinnamon
Coffee with half and half

Lunch:
Leftover soup (roasted carrot, broccoli-arugula, parsnip are some of my favorites)
Whole wheat toast with goat cheese and radishes

Snack:
Kind bar

Dinner:
Quinoa salad with steamed kale, scallions, goat cheese and Meyer lemon

Dessert:
Tcho "Nutty" chocolate square

The first week of eating like this was kind of hard because I was always hungry, but I realized how off the rails I had gone with stuffing my face over the past couple months. I think I was eating at least 2500 calories a day in February and March and I felt like shit. In November of last year, Thanksgiving to be exact, I had a nightmare of a hangover and had to cook basically the entire meal for ten of my best friends, the same friends who were guzzling Fernet with me the night before. After getting started about three hours too late, I chugged a giant glass of cold whole milk to keep me from either barfing or passing out while peeling potatoes. I stopped drinking milk regularly in high school because it never really sit well with me and my parents only ever bought fat free (blech), but this Thanksgiving morning glass was like the nectar of the gods. From that day forward, I had at least one glass of whole milk a day. Whole milk was my crack. My body responded by bulking up like it was getting ready for a long winter, hence the puffy arms. I broke up with my beloved whole milk and it really hasn't been that difficult, but I do miss it INTENSELY from time to time. On top of eating like an offensive lineman, I also wasn't getting regular exercise because I was tired all the time -- a vicious cycle, if you will.

After two weeks of eating well and regular exercise, I feel super great! I'm already feeling stronger and I've lost an inch or so from my waist. My body responds really well to healthy food and regular exercise, but my mind has a tendency to be all "Fuck it, couch, meet ass," so I imagine once the initial excitement wears off, this process will not be as fun.

I use My Fitness Pal to track my calories and nutrition as well as my exercise. I used Lose It! for a while, but their food database was pretty sparse and they don't really provide a lot of feedback on your nutrition. I've also been drinking a butt load of water everyday, and aside from the constant trips to the bathroom, I can report that all those lady fitness magazines are right on this point.

Drink water! Exercise! Don't eat crap!