The Anti-Wedding

We're getting married, which is super great! But what is not super great is our mutual aversion to wedding planning. Our first brainstorm was overwhelming and ended in me saying "Fuck it, let's elope." So we started fleshing out a plan to elope to New York and do a civil ceremony/honeymoon combination trip, but expenses started adding up and stressing me out. We re-grouped and talked about our priorities: keeping it simple, making sure the people we care about feel included and involved, keeping costs down and turning out an event that looks nothing like what "tradition" ascribes. We made a list of restaurants where we have connections and a back-up list of city-owned properties for possible venues. We made a second, thoughtfully-edited list of what we feel okay spending money on and came up with food and booze, venue, dress and suit and the honeymoon. From there, we both felt a little more on top of things and a lot better about what we are getting ourselves into. We decided on a brunch reception to keep food costs down and make our guests feel comfortable (the meal will be served family style with no assigned seating) at the restaurant where we had our first date.

We now have a date and a venue, which takes care of about 80% of our planning. I need to find a dress, Lane needs to decide if he wants a new suit and we need to design and order invitations. One huge bummer for me is that we won't have a City Hall ceremony. I have always wanted to get married at City Hall, but the San Francisco Clerk's Office does not offer weekend ceremonies and a weekday wedding just isn't going to work for us. My dad and I had planned on him driving us from City Hall to the restaurant in his cherry 1957 Ford Thunderbird convertible, so we'll have to figure out another way to work in the car. I also have to wrap my head around saying my vows in front of all of the guests, the thought of which currently makes me want to barf. I'm not even going to venture to suggest we write our own vows -- just the standard set will do.

We're both feeling a lot more in control of this whole thing, even though it's moving farther and farther away from what we first imagined. But we are both pretty flexible folks and we've got the support of our family and friends who are good at things like flower arranging, cake baking and listening to me have a conversation with myself over a bottle of wine. And of course, we're more interested in having a happy marriage than a perfect wedding.