Tender and Fierce

I once worked for an attorney who became immediately miserable upon his marriage. He'd walk around the office with the weight of the world on his shoulders and would sometimes say "Marriage changes everything." with the far-off look of a war refugee under the Charlie Brown storm cloud. It is true -- marriage changes everything -- but it's up to each couple as to how.

My marriage vows were written by Lane's uncle John and they are some of the wisest and glorious words I have ever encountered. John and his wife Rebecca put days of work, thought and love into what he wrote and I'm still in awe of what he created. He spoke beautifully on the mystery of love and its different manifestations, how challenges and tribulations will make love stronger and how it serves as the catalyst in creating a good marriage. My favorite line in our vows was this one:

"...to be tender with you and fierce with you..."

Marriage doesn't feel any different in a visceral or physical way, but there is a mental and emotional feeling of being buoyed, of knowing that my partner will be tender and fierce with me. We will help figure each other out, help the other grow and not be overcome by conflict or tribulations. It's a reminder to me to not fly off the handle and let my temper take over. Lane has taught me that it's better to talk than to stew -- he doesn't let me get away with ruminating, but does so gently and listens to me with respect (even when I make a mountain out of a molehill). We are both quite stubborn but somehow, in these few months we've been married, we've been listening to each other more and we often have more to say. We're growing together and are making our marriage our top priority. I'm looking forward to showing my kid that putting a marriage first benefits the whole family. John put it thusly:

"Then, as the years roll by, the marriage vehicle can increasingly facilitate the emergence of a new and mysterious love. This almost palpable and quiet love lives in the soul's center. This love is as constant and regular as a heart beat. This is a love that is humble and embraces all. This is a love that forgives and redeems. This is a contagious love that can spread outward from the family to embrace all mankind and continue out to embrace all living things on this planet we call Earth. This is a love supreme and in marriage, its first manifestation can be found."

Photo of us taking our vows by Lane's father.