Lately

I have seen L awake and able to engage in rudimentary conversation for approximately .86 hours this week. He worked doubles Monday through Wednesday, spent all of Wednesday night and most of Thursday morning at the restaurant with a HazMat crew cleaning up a sewer back-up situation which emanated from the restaurant next door and then went right into a closing-expediting shift on Thursday. Weeks like this make it super frustrating to be a restaurant widow and a caring partner. L works his ass off and he loves his job and he deserves to sleep all day coming off a nightmare week. But that means I don't get a break and I don't get to enjoy his company; which in turn makes me feel like an asshole because JFC, L just spent the last five days getting no sleep and dealing with literal shit.

I've gained a lot of perspective on riding in the work widow seat and I know this kind of life isn't going to last forever. I suppose I can admit that I have lowered my expectations, which were probably pretty ridiculous before we got married and had a baby. I use my mantra of "let it go" to release the anger and resentment that builds on Saturday afternoons when L still hasn't woken up and I've cleaned the whole apartment and taken care of the baby and have been up since 6:00 a.m. Instead I enjoy the time with my son to just hang out with nowhere to be, read the paper and have a cup of tea. And I really like cleaning once I get in the groove. Clean apartment, clear head.

So this is what I plan on doing with my weekend while L sleeps.

Cookie party on Friday night. It's a safe space where I can eat cookies until I need to puke, no judgment and only two blocks from home (handy for when the puking starts).

Eighth Annual Happy Birthday, Jesus Party! on Saturday night. I think I can trick L into attending, which will be his first appearance at HBJ ever. I also plan on bribing my friends with Pappy to give us and our carseat + baby a ride. I'm not into paying those inflated Uber peak rates. I'll also be doing my hair like this.

Grocery shopping on Saturday and on Sunday, we cook. I'll be making soup, bread, pita bread, cookies and lavender simple syrup. My mom, freshly retired and with so much time on her hands, generously picked about two dozen lavender stems and mailed them to me. I'll be giving the syrup as Christmas gifts since I've just imposed a rule that we won't be giving anything that isn't homemade because we're on a serious budget through the New Year. And who doesn't like presents that are handmade with love? Come on.

Reading material + tea + Sunday.  Baby E will have me up at 6:00 a.m., which I actually appreciate on Sundays (my parents, flashing back to my high school years, just dropped dead). I can get breakfast, a cup of tea and the Business section in me before RCIA and Mass. Then I can come home, turn up the heat, take off my pants and read for the rest of the day (in between Baby E's meals, freak-outs and cuddle parties). I'll get cooking once he's down for the night.